I’ve decided after much thought that there really are two kinds of people in this world. I must admit that this is not my own original thought but once I heard it, I immediately felt a huge wave of relief that someone put to words what I had been feeling for so long.
Years ago I heard a snippet of a talk from a guest speaker on a TV show. I cannot remember the name of the speaker, the TV show or even when I saw it. Infuriating, I know. I’ve tried to Google it but when inputting “snippet of guest speaker on an unknown TV show talking about two kinds of people,” I was unsuccessful in finding it – shocking. Anyway, this speaker said something that has stayed with me for many years. He said (much more eloquently than paraphrased here) that there are two kinds of people, those willing to pull a cart and those who expect the cart to be pulled for them (typically while they hitch a ride in it). In short, givers and takers, doers and entitleds (just made that word up by the way), etc. It was a light bulb moment for me because I had never accepted the fact that while most people will choose to do the tough things in life, others just plain will not and those same people seem to get away without much consequence. Talk about infuriating! I could not understand it and frankly, started resenting it - not a good path to be on, trust me.
I do have to add what I consider to be a very legitimate third category that the mystery guest speaker did not address; I believe there are people whom very much want to be cart "pullers" but some limitation stops them (whether it be physical, mental, or circumstantial). As a result, this makes undeserving cart “riders” even more abhorrent to me because they are taking up space in the cart from those who truly need it. Get out and walk! Geez.
Now for the caveats – obviously this is a very big generalization and I am quite sure I have not thought of every perspective possible; I am open to them however so help me out if you think I'm missing something. I am making this judgment based on personal observations over my lifetime and the unknown guest speaker's theory making sense. But, I do believe that when you break people's behaviors or reactions down to the most fundamental level, at the base of each is either a cart puller or cart rider mentality. People may even switch back and forth depending upon circumstances but, when the proverbial “rubber hits the road,” true colors will inevitably come out.
Why do I think this is important to understand? Because for the cart pullers of the world it can help minimize frustration, disappointment and overall disillusionment. (For the cart riders, they don't really care anyway and are not likely reading this). You cannot make a cart rider a cart puller if they do not want to be one; if they had wanted to be one, they would (that's the definition of a cart puller, a "doer"). But, and here's the main point, you also do not need to accept cart riders hitching a ride in your cart for free and taking up space unnecessarily. You can leave them on the side road to make their own way (or not, it's entirely up to them). Is that not a freeing revelation? Let me repeat it so it can sink in; you can leave cart riders on the side of the road to make their own way.
I’ve spent so much time being frustrated at people who won’t step up to do what’s needed while happily and obliviously watching others do the work. Once I understood that those people are cart riders, I realized I could move forward without them, guilt-free. And, who was I to try to force a change upon them. Is it not equally selfish of me to try to get them to change their ways? So what I am learning to focus on is, when I pull the cart, it's because I want to and am choosing to; this is who I choose to be and I would choose it regardless of the existence of cart riders in my life. You notice I used the word "learning" in the previous sentence because it is a work in progress like so many other life challenges (see Life Should #18).
The bottom line, respect is important to me and I do not respect cart riders. I do respect myself, however, and the person I strive to be. It is futile to spend time trying to get cart riders to get out and pull; so I've stopped trying. I continue on with the other cart pullers in my life feeling content in the knowledge that I have tried, truly tried, to do my best overall. I recommend you do the same.
(In this thought process I do also try to remember my Life Shoulds, especially #s 1, 7 & 17. It's not always easy but it is the right thing to do. Just because I do not respect a cart rider does not mean that I will not be polite or forgiving (eventually)).