ON FATHER'S DAY... →

Like Mother's Day, I have a love/hate relationship with Father's Day.  I had a great Dad until I was 8 years old, then, as far as I can tell, family life with all of us just wasn't something he wanted anymore. After he left we kept in touch for a period of time, just until he married again (to someone who so greatly despised the fact that he had two daughters she tried to hurl herself off the 17th floor of a hotel balcony - we were there by the way). Our Father's reaction to this circumstance?  "For our own good," he essentially disowned us (my sister and me).  Harsh? Absolutely.  Uncommon?  Sadly, no.  Worse then what others have been through?  Even more sadly, not even close.  I actually consider myself quite lucky to have sidestepped having that kind of weakness from a parental figure throughout the rest of my life, but that is only a fairly recent revelation.   Before that I just assumed we weren't "good enough."  You can imagine how that can impact a young girl as she grew up. Well, you don't have to imagine it; we see it every day.

For years Father's Day was a reminder of rejection, but as I matured, it became a reminder of understanding; understanding of human weakness as well as understanding for a Mother who got left with two kids and no money, and managed to make it work. It also has become a day of empathy for those who have lost a Father, a true Father-figure that cared and guided them even during the tough times.  The loss of that kind of parent is a lifelong heartbreak.  

It took time for me to finally find the positive in Father's Day.  It also took deciding that I was just plain sick and tired of being angry and, if I'm truly honest, it took meeting my husband.  He single handedly chipped away at my distrust and showed me what a man can and will do for his family.  I found a person who willingly made many sacrifices for the welfare of his two children; who refused to walk away from them when things got difficult and made it work even during difficult divorce situations. There is nothing he would not do to help them, period.  In the wise words of Kelly Clarkson's Piece by Piece,

"He restored my faith, That a man can be kind, And a father could stay."

This is not to say everything he has done as a Father has been perfect; that's impossible; we all unintentionally impact kids in some way regardless of our intentions, it's just the nature of human interaction.  But what he did do that makes him as close to perfect as anyone can be, was to never turn his back on his children. It is why I love him.  If any circumstance or person attempted to pull him away, he did what a parent should do, he told them to bugger off.  That is what I believe should be celebrated on Father's Day (and Mother's Day too), the dedication and commitment a Parent gives to their children, regardless of their own wants and especially during the tough times.  No one said being a parent was a perpetual picnic.

Now, I get you can't judge others willy-nilly; you never really know what's happening in another person's life (it is Life Should #19 after all). What may appear to an outsider as a lack of dedication or caring may instead be a fear of failure, as an example.  But, I think we all know the difference between someone trying their best and someone who is putting their own needs first. And if you read my "On Mother's Day" post you will understand this is a hot button for me.  I basically have a zero tolerance policy for those who made the choice to be a parent but decided it was just too much work.  Don't have kids if you don't want to take care of them, period.  Super simple.  We all know how babies are made so just be better than your nether regions.  Remember your own childhood experiences or, think of the future and the type of people you want to see in the world before you do something that you cannot take back and having a kid is something you can never take back, even when you walk away.  

Finally, I believe the role of a Father is absolutely crucial to the development of a person.  Therefore, it is tragic when it is lost through accident, illness or death.  It's despicable when it's lost through selfishness.  My bottomline, to those of you doing the job, I give you my most heartfelt thanks and appreciation on this Father's Day.  You deserve it and regardless of how thankless kids can be sometimes, it is changing their world for the positive, and that I respect.  

By the way, SO WE ARE ABSOLUTELY CLEAR, a Father (or Mother) has absolutely nothing to do with biology - it applies to any person that steps up to do the job, that person may or may not be a biological relative.  There are many of these people out there and thank goodness for that!